California...West Conshohocken (Conshy)
The dot-dot-dot between California and Conshy signify the why, how, and when this cross country move took place. The details are quite irrelevant; those reading probably are in the "know" anywho.
Tonight is a significant time to get back to the typewriter, so to speak. I will probably wake up to 10-20 inches of snow on the ground, as a Nor'easter is scheduled to come roaring through the eastern seaboard. I've dug out my boots, gloves, long underwear, and snow pants. I am not excited. I will probably ask myself a dozen times or more tomorrow "what the f$%k was I thinking coming back east?"
Pro: I'll get to make a snowball.
Con: I'll shiver my cold ass to car, shovel it out, de-ice my windows, then get into my cold ass car and drive in miserable conditions to work.
Pro: I'll get to make a snowball at work.
Con: Roads will be closed and no one will be delivering food.
Pro: There will be snow on the ground for Christmas.
Con: There will be snow on the ground.
Schwartz --->
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
My Father's Son
This blogs for you Dad!
1. I buy extremely large quantities of meat at discounted prices, then separate it into more manageable portions to freeze.
2. Watching movies from bed is much more enjoyable then watching in the theater, at friends, or from the living room on a couch.
3. There is no such thing as a bad bowl of soup.
4. I avoid dentists, doctors, and other professions that prod, pry, and disrupt.
5. Breaking a routine is often considered a tragedy.
6. My family is the most important thing to me.
7. Sarcasm and stupid off the cuff witty humor is an uncontrollable personality trait/flaw.
8. Truly enjoy the technological luxuries that Blackberries offer.
9. Rotisserie chicken off the bone can be eaten for any meal.
10. Like my father, starting to go deaf and bald quickly.
11. We both could care less about this.
12. We love and are loved by the little ones in our family (his grandchildren, my nieces/nephews)
13. A bad day of fishing, is better than a good day at work.
14. Save on the little things to justify obtaining bigger things.
15. Tough to pass up an apple turnover, or any dessert with apples in it for that matter.
16. Vegetables are best sauteed in olive oil and soy sauce.
17. The microwave is by far one the most amazing and useful inventions.
18. Taking a long, scenic car ride is soothing.
19. Miss the change of seasons, but certainly do not miss winter.
20. Walking through a fresh seafood market is like being a kid in a candy store.
And the list goes on...
Schwartz --->
1. I buy extremely large quantities of meat at discounted prices, then separate it into more manageable portions to freeze.
2. Watching movies from bed is much more enjoyable then watching in the theater, at friends, or from the living room on a couch.
3. There is no such thing as a bad bowl of soup.
4. I avoid dentists, doctors, and other professions that prod, pry, and disrupt.
5. Breaking a routine is often considered a tragedy.
6. My family is the most important thing to me.
7. Sarcasm and stupid off the cuff witty humor is an uncontrollable personality trait/flaw.
8. Truly enjoy the technological luxuries that Blackberries offer.
9. Rotisserie chicken off the bone can be eaten for any meal.
10. Like my father, starting to go deaf and bald quickly.
11. We both could care less about this.
12. We love and are loved by the little ones in our family (his grandchildren, my nieces/nephews)
13. A bad day of fishing, is better than a good day at work.
14. Save on the little things to justify obtaining bigger things.
15. Tough to pass up an apple turnover, or any dessert with apples in it for that matter.
16. Vegetables are best sauteed in olive oil and soy sauce.
17. The microwave is by far one the most amazing and useful inventions.
18. Taking a long, scenic car ride is soothing.
19. Miss the change of seasons, but certainly do not miss winter.
20. Walking through a fresh seafood market is like being a kid in a candy store.
And the list goes on...
Schwartz --->
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
at the corner of cross roads and writer's block
Been a little while since I've blogged on. I do not apologize for this, nor do I make any excuses. Many of you have emailed "where'd ya go?" or "why'd ya stop?" To answer, I did not go anywhere and I have not stopped. Like most of you out there, I too am a creature of habit. Since the launch of SchwartzBlogs, it became habit for me to offer my opinions on specific certainties of life and/or free-write for John Q. Blogreader's enjoyment. Without intention and sans my knowledge, this habit faded, for a short time, and some bad habits took their place. We won't discuss my screenwriting habit, my movie-watching habit (1-2 full feature length films per day; even in the midst of full-time work), reading articles on the financial armegeddon of our economy habit, and thinking of genious ways to inflate my ego, without compromising my humility habit.
So I come roaring back, from my outdated, yet loyal, Dell Inspiron straight to your phones, work computers, and home laptops. With a little help from my keyboard, space key, and autosave feature, my words return to your eyes.
I promise more of the meaningful and meaningless posts that spurred some of you to question if I had stopped blogging, before I actually was able to even admit to myself that I was a blogger. Until then...
Schwartz--->
So I come roaring back, from my outdated, yet loyal, Dell Inspiron straight to your phones, work computers, and home laptops. With a little help from my keyboard, space key, and autosave feature, my words return to your eyes.
I promise more of the meaningful and meaningless posts that spurred some of you to question if I had stopped blogging, before I actually was able to even admit to myself that I was a blogger. Until then...
Schwartz--->
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
pack-aging
Packing and Aging do not go hand in hand...pack-aging
On Monday, February 16th, I am set to move, the 10th time in as many years:
Long Island to College Dorms
College Dorms to Junior Year Frat House
Frat House to Sr Year Apt
Sr Year Apt to Post Graduation House #1
Post Graduation House #1 to Post Graduation House #2
Post Graduation House #2 cross country to California 'rents home
'rents home to Redondo Beach Apt #1
Redondo Beach Apt #1 to Hermosa Beach Pad
Beach Pad to Redondo Beach Townhouse
Redondo Beach Townhouse to Redondo Beach Apt #2 (I hope this is it for a little while)
For the first time, with coercion from my roommate, professional movers will be handling the bulk. I hate moving, but have become a pro at donating stuff or throwing shit out each move. I am amazed I have anything left.
Fact: Several moves ago I created and still utilize an address change spreadsheet on Excel that assists in tracking what addresses have been changed and those that have not.
Fiction: This spreadsheet makes me a nerd. Oh on the contrary, this spreadsheet makes me efficient and organized.
Fact: For a dude, I have collected a lot of shoes. And because of the size of said shoes, they account for a more significant portion of my move than I care to admit.
Fact: All the clothes and misc. crap I moved the last time that I haven't seen since I last packed it, ALL got donated or trashed. In 3 mere hours, I managed to drop 3 large bags to Good Will and another 2 went into the dumpster.
Fiction: I am blogging right now because I am procrastinating further packing. Oh on the contrary, I blog to document the historical nature of this move...oh fuck it, I'm procrastinating.
Fact: I have memorized the exact measurements of my bed, so as to ensure it comes with me every move. I DO NOT TAKE CHANCES NOR COMPROMISE COMFORT.
Fact: I am not looking for sympathy with this move, as a lot of my moves have been of my own volition. I am, however, looking for your assistance. If you have 2 arms and 2 legs, of course in working condition, I fully expect you to be waiting outside my garage 9am sharp Monday morning with coffee, donuts, and a smile.
Schwartz---->
On Monday, February 16th, I am set to move, the 10th time in as many years:
Long Island to College Dorms
College Dorms to Junior Year Frat House
Frat House to Sr Year Apt
Sr Year Apt to Post Graduation House #1
Post Graduation House #1 to Post Graduation House #2
Post Graduation House #2 cross country to California 'rents home
'rents home to Redondo Beach Apt #1
Redondo Beach Apt #1 to Hermosa Beach Pad
Beach Pad to Redondo Beach Townhouse
Redondo Beach Townhouse to Redondo Beach Apt #2 (I hope this is it for a little while)
For the first time, with coercion from my roommate, professional movers will be handling the bulk. I hate moving, but have become a pro at donating stuff or throwing shit out each move. I am amazed I have anything left.
Fact: Several moves ago I created and still utilize an address change spreadsheet on Excel that assists in tracking what addresses have been changed and those that have not.
Fiction: This spreadsheet makes me a nerd. Oh on the contrary, this spreadsheet makes me efficient and organized.
Fact: For a dude, I have collected a lot of shoes. And because of the size of said shoes, they account for a more significant portion of my move than I care to admit.
Fact: All the clothes and misc. crap I moved the last time that I haven't seen since I last packed it, ALL got donated or trashed. In 3 mere hours, I managed to drop 3 large bags to Good Will and another 2 went into the dumpster.
Fiction: I am blogging right now because I am procrastinating further packing. Oh on the contrary, I blog to document the historical nature of this move...oh fuck it, I'm procrastinating.
Fact: I have memorized the exact measurements of my bed, so as to ensure it comes with me every move. I DO NOT TAKE CHANCES NOR COMPROMISE COMFORT.
Fact: I am not looking for sympathy with this move, as a lot of my moves have been of my own volition. I am, however, looking for your assistance. If you have 2 arms and 2 legs, of course in working condition, I fully expect you to be waiting outside my garage 9am sharp Monday morning with coffee, donuts, and a smile.
Schwartz---->
Monday, February 2, 2009
plagiarism, from myself...
25 Random/Not So Random facts about myself (stole this from my own facebook)
1. I have no fear of shameless plugs for my recently started, yet very popular blog. http://schwartzblogs.blogspot.com/
2. I enjoy short walks on the beach and do not enjoy reading.
3. I have perfect vision, have since as long as I can remember. Like my father though, I am quickly becoming deaf in 1 or both ears. Thus why I am always asking you to repeat yourself. On the plus side, I may not be able to hear you, but I can you clearly see you.
4. I probably consume at least twice what the average person consumes in a day. I've always been above average!
5. I do not feel I have a bloated ego, but on a scale of 1-10, overall I would rate myself perfect.
6. I invent words, bullshit so people believe they exist, then am forced to backtrack when Google proves me wrong. It's fun, try it.
7. I have never enjoyed the Gym, as well as Jim for that matter.
8. I am funny and I know it. Kind of similar to a hot girl knowing that she is hot. Only rather than being a bitch all the time, I'm just an asshole some of the time.
9. For those that really know me, I sleep on a huge Cal King bed, yet half (if not more) is usually taken up by folded laundry, mail, hats, remotes, etc. Tough habit to break. Keep your friends close, but all your useless junk even closer. Or the saying goes something like that.
10. I really enjoy going to baseball games, especially Mets games. I hate $8 hot dogs, $11 beer, $15 parking, $450 moving violations for crossing the double yellow lines separating the car pool lane on the freeway on the way to the game because the State feels that extortion is a justifiable action...sorry for the rant. GO METS!
11. I have to fall a sleep with the TV on. Period.
12. On that subject, I have been known to sleep for 14-18 hours straight without waking up.
13. I've now slept through 3 earthquakes (minor albeit) since living out west. Most everyone else either felt them or woke up from them. I sleep like the dead, obviously.
14. For some reason, I have been resistant to online billpay. I do everything else online, but haven't quite made that leap. Still writing checks, using stamps, wasting my own time I'm sure. Am I alone on this one?
15. Huge movie buff. Not really the big blockbusters of today, but 80's and 90's classics. I am always quoting lines from some of my favorites, and am I oddly turned on when members of the opposite sex can hang right in there.
16. I really really despise shaving.
17. In a nutshell, I'm happy if you're happy, unless you're happy because I'm miserable, then I think I'm miserable. I just confused myself.
18. On a much deeper note, I am an extremely loyal person to those who I feel are worthy of my loyalty.
19. In junior high and high school, I was late so much for school, that I had my mom pre-write and sign late notes and I would fill in the date when needed. "Dear Mr. or Mrs. So and So, James was late to school today ______ because he overslept. Regards, Mrs. Schwartz"
20. Olives gross me out, but olive oil goes on everything. I have a similar dislike for motors, but motor oil on the other hand...
21. Because of my height, I buy special fittings in showers that allows me to lift the shower head to an appropriate height.
22. I snooze, almost an unhealthy amount. About 45 minutes per day. I don't know how to break the habit or if I even want to.
23. I would love to write for a living. In fact, if all of you reading this sent me $ you can make my dream come true.
24. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pick it up, pull the pin, and throw it back. Just wanted to mix in a stupid joke.
25. I love cooking, partially because I love eating. But mostly, because I enjoy the creative process of starting something from scratch and ending up with a tasty meal.
1. I have no fear of shameless plugs for my recently started, yet very popular blog. http://schwartzblogs.blogspot.com/
2. I enjoy short walks on the beach and do not enjoy reading.
3. I have perfect vision, have since as long as I can remember. Like my father though, I am quickly becoming deaf in 1 or both ears. Thus why I am always asking you to repeat yourself. On the plus side, I may not be able to hear you, but I can you clearly see you.
4. I probably consume at least twice what the average person consumes in a day. I've always been above average!
5. I do not feel I have a bloated ego, but on a scale of 1-10, overall I would rate myself perfect.
6. I invent words, bullshit so people believe they exist, then am forced to backtrack when Google proves me wrong. It's fun, try it.
7. I have never enjoyed the Gym, as well as Jim for that matter.
8. I am funny and I know it. Kind of similar to a hot girl knowing that she is hot. Only rather than being a bitch all the time, I'm just an asshole some of the time.
9. For those that really know me, I sleep on a huge Cal King bed, yet half (if not more) is usually taken up by folded laundry, mail, hats, remotes, etc. Tough habit to break. Keep your friends close, but all your useless junk even closer. Or the saying goes something like that.
10. I really enjoy going to baseball games, especially Mets games. I hate $8 hot dogs, $11 beer, $15 parking, $450 moving violations for crossing the double yellow lines separating the car pool lane on the freeway on the way to the game because the State feels that extortion is a justifiable action...sorry for the rant. GO METS!
11. I have to fall a sleep with the TV on. Period.
12. On that subject, I have been known to sleep for 14-18 hours straight without waking up.
13. I've now slept through 3 earthquakes (minor albeit) since living out west. Most everyone else either felt them or woke up from them. I sleep like the dead, obviously.
14. For some reason, I have been resistant to online billpay. I do everything else online, but haven't quite made that leap. Still writing checks, using stamps, wasting my own time I'm sure. Am I alone on this one?
15. Huge movie buff. Not really the big blockbusters of today, but 80's and 90's classics. I am always quoting lines from some of my favorites, and am I oddly turned on when members of the opposite sex can hang right in there.
16. I really really despise shaving.
17. In a nutshell, I'm happy if you're happy, unless you're happy because I'm miserable, then I think I'm miserable. I just confused myself.
18. On a much deeper note, I am an extremely loyal person to those who I feel are worthy of my loyalty.
19. In junior high and high school, I was late so much for school, that I had my mom pre-write and sign late notes and I would fill in the date when needed. "Dear Mr. or Mrs. So and So, James was late to school today ______ because he overslept. Regards, Mrs. Schwartz"
20. Olives gross me out, but olive oil goes on everything. I have a similar dislike for motors, but motor oil on the other hand...
21. Because of my height, I buy special fittings in showers that allows me to lift the shower head to an appropriate height.
22. I snooze, almost an unhealthy amount. About 45 minutes per day. I don't know how to break the habit or if I even want to.
23. I would love to write for a living. In fact, if all of you reading this sent me $ you can make my dream come true.
24. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pick it up, pull the pin, and throw it back. Just wanted to mix in a stupid joke.
25. I love cooking, partially because I love eating. But mostly, because I enjoy the creative process of starting something from scratch and ending up with a tasty meal.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
humor in misery? you decide...
Sunday, January 25th, 1:00am in the morning: I am tailed for a mile and pulled over by Hermosa's Finest. Apparently, I broke, and still am currently breaking the law by having tinted license plate covers.
Humor in misery? You decide...
Sunday, January 25th, 2:15am in the morning: My shower, located in the bathroom 3 feet from where I attempt to sleep, decides it wants to
start dripping. Mind you, I've never heard this shower drip once since living in this house. Back to the actual drippage; it's one of those fast drips, like rapid fire drips. Every direction I move the shower head, drip. I did what any of you would do in this situation, I cursed, then disconnected the shower head completely, and left it for dead at the bottom of the shower.Humor in misery? You decide...
Sunday, January 25th, sometime between 2:50 and 3:10am: Dripless sleep.
Sunday, January 25th, 9:36am: Incoming text from roommate "Hey James, I'm on my way to work, but I wanted to give you the heads up 'cause I know you work today, you have a fl
at tire. Back left." My text response, "FUCK, ok thanks for noticing and telling me."Humor in misery? You decide...
Sunday, January 25th, 10:37am: I lift up my car with the jack, take off the flat, put on the "donut". I enjoy 2 eggo waffles, brush my teeth, wash my
face, put deodorant on, wait, don't think I put it on now that I think about it, and drive to the tire store. 2 new tires, an alignment, new rear brakes, plus labor estimated @ $427Humor in misery? You decide...
Sunday, January 25th 11:55pm: I blog to you after 10 hours worked on Sunday, the Lords day. Guess I forgot to pray or something last night.
Humor in misery? You decide...
I guess I'll look at the positive, my shower isn't dripping anymore and Mrs. Doubtfire is on.
Schwartz---->
Monday, January 19, 2009
wii
As is stands right now at 10:03 PM on a Monday night, I am watching 3 of my closest friends curse, laugh, scream, and argue as they play Mariocart for Wii. "I hate Peach" says one, "I think I hate her too" says another. "I just want to backhand and kick Peach" retorts the other.
1st to 8th because of a lighting bolt. 9th to 1st because of a star (need to know Mariocart to understand references) "Gun it, watch that turn, hit it baby, hit everybody in your way, just STAY on that road" Real words of encouragment usually held for commencement speeches at college graduation, yet spoken with such honesty and heartfelt devotion to a cause.
This has been going for hours, yet as I type to you silently, my desire to end this blog, rejoin the racing, and kick peaches ass, grows with every word. I truly think that I can put this blog on hold, go warm a bowl of chili and return without anyone noticing I've been gone..........................................................................................................................................Ok, I'm back, chili was good if you were wondering. "James, do you wanna play?" is asked of me. "Sure, next race, maybe I can kill peach" I reply.
1st to 8th because of a lighting bolt. 9th to 1st because of a star (need to know Mariocart to understand references) "Gun it, watch that turn, hit it baby, hit everybody in your way, just STAY on that road" Real words of encouragment usually held for commencement speeches at college graduation, yet spoken with such honesty and heartfelt devotion to a cause.
This has been going for hours, yet as I type to you silently, my desire to end this blog, rejoin the racing, and kick peaches ass, grows with every word. I truly think that I can put this blog on hold, go warm a bowl of chili and return without anyone noticing I've been gone..........................................................................................................................................Ok, I'm back, chili was good if you were wondering. "James, do you wanna play?" is asked of me. "Sure, next race, maybe I can kill peach" I reply.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
curb west coast curbs
Am I the only east coaster to notice that curbs out here on the west coast, especially here in Southern California, are monstrous? And I carefully choose the word monstrous to describe these curbs because that is exactly what they are. They are huge, ugly, sharp-edged, overwhelming, unforgiving beasts that attack the rims and tires of our cars when we park. They attack our car doors, often times leading to scraping, and in extreme circumstances, forcing someone out of the car just to close the door.
I understand that my car is lower to ground than most, and that I can directly control the size of these huge ass curbs by owning a car higher off the ground. My point here is that I should not have to. These curbs have done more damage to my car then 4am drunken joyrides on the 710 Freeway have caused. (no I have not taken 4am drunken joyrides on the 710 for those concerned...........................most mid-morning joyrides are on the 110 Freeway)
Now that that is cleared up, what the hell?? I'm for smaller curbs and smaller government. I'm for smaller curbs and larger portion sizes at Outback Steakhouse. I'm for smaller curbs and larger salaries for start-up bloggers. I'm for smaller curbs and a smaller number of geese allowed to fly in the flight path of airplanes.
Schwartz---->
I understand that my car is lower to ground than most, and that I can directly control the size of these huge ass curbs by owning a car higher off the ground. My point here is that I should not have to. These curbs have done more damage to my car then 4am drunken joyrides on the 710 Freeway have caused. (no I have not taken 4am drunken joyrides on the 710 for those concerned...........................most mid-morning joyrides are on the 110 Freeway)
Now that that is cleared up, what the hell?? I'm for smaller curbs and smaller government. I'm for smaller curbs and larger portion sizes at Outback Steakhouse. I'm for smaller curbs and larger salaries for start-up bloggers. I'm for smaller curbs and a smaller number of geese allowed to fly in the flight path of airplanes.
Schwartz---->
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
dining out
Some advice when eating out. These are intended to be helpful guidelines for those of you who are unsure of what may be restaurant faux pas VS normal etiquette.
GENERAL
2) Up front, you mention to the server the people that will be on each check. I stress up front here because if this is done ex post facto, you've now lost the ability to demand a separate check.
My call: #2 is best option because we all know how it works, someone gets screwed at the end even though the check was "split even." Also, John Doe had a steak and a martini, whilest Jane ordered 3 crutons, 1 leaf of romaine, and 9 ice cubes. Where's the fairness there I ask?
INDIVIDUAL DINING
A lot of establishments offer the luxury of calling in your order ahead to pickup.
Schwartz---->
GENERAL
- Make a reservation, your bargaining power for table preferrence diminshes without one. My call: walking in and making demands is weak, call ahead, then be demanding.
- Utilize the restaurant's corkage fee (bringing your own bottle of wine for a small charge). Call ahead to inquire. However, it is considered faux pas to bring a bottle with you that the restaurant has on its wine list. My call: who cares, its your world, everyone else is just living in it.
- Despite the facial reaction you get from your server, it is ok to order just water as your beverage. My call: drink bottled or sparkling, you look more sophisticated, it's way cleaner and tastes better.
- When your check is discounted for whatever reason (coupon, hookup, etc.) always tip based from original total, not the discounted total. My call: makes logical sense.
- While were on the tipping subject, do NOT feel obligated to be generous with a server if your service was bad. It is your hard earned money; the least these guys/gals can do is earn it from you.
- On the flip side, if you are blown away by how well a server anticipates your needs and has the right answer for all of your questions, take care of him/her.
- If you order something that does not have a price next to it, and you neglect to inquire prior to making that order, you cannot bitch ex post facto. Caveat emptor. George Carlin once said, "the person who coined the term 'buyer beware', was probably bleeding from the asshole." My call: in any purchasing arena,you should always ask how much something costs.
- In general, try to enjoy your experience dining out. That's why you've gone out in the first place, least you can do is give it a shot. Let small slip ups roll off your shoulder, but certainly bring the big gaffs to someone's attention. This is America, heads gotta roll.
- Like many of you reading right now, this can go both ways:
2) Up front, you mention to the server the people that will be on each check. I stress up front here because if this is done ex post facto, you've now lost the ability to demand a separate check.
My call: #2 is best option because we all know how it works, someone gets screwed at the end even though the check was "split even." Also, John Doe had a steak and a martini, whilest Jane ordered 3 crutons, 1 leaf of romaine, and 9 ice cubes. Where's the fairness there I ask?
INDIVIDUAL DINING
- This will most likely not pertain to most of you because dining out alone is below you. For those that do choose the solo-dine, sit in or at the bar (if there is one). Don't be greedy and take up a whole table in a dining room because you have no friends. My call: also makes logical sense.
A lot of establishments offer the luxury of calling in your order ahead to pickup.
- Always check your order to make sure everything is accurate (just a big bitch if you've left and something is wrong.)
- Don't feel obligated to tip on take out, but certainly is a nice gesture and may expedite service on future orders.
- Expect the quality of the food ordered to be reduced the more time it takes between when it was prepared and when you consume it.
Schwartz---->
Saturday, January 10, 2009
thank you wikipedia
A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.
This is literally how this process works: My brain cells formulate ridiculous opinions and ideas. The only way to force them out of my head so that I can maintain some form of sanity is to type them, proofread them on occasion, then post them for you all to judge to me. In essence, I write, you read, you pass judgment. Due to my mild, yet persistent narcissism, I only truly care about the "I write" aspect of blogging because it frees my brain space. The "You Read" and "You Pass Judgment" aspects are for you. Enjoy, criticize, despise, laugh at, cry, or skim through and move on with your life. For those that would like me to continue, let me know by becoming one of my blog followers. For those that have already passed judgment, oh well, go to YouTube and watch a car door get ripped off by a motorcycle or go to StarBucks for a $5 cup of shit.
Despite my cynicism, I am an eternal optimist if you know me, so I wish all of you a Happy New Year and the best for '09. Continue to check back from time to time as I blow off some steam, tell a joke, or share my opinions (facts) with you.
Schwartz----->
This is literally how this process works: My brain cells formulate ridiculous opinions and ideas. The only way to force them out of my head so that I can maintain some form of sanity is to type them, proofread them on occasion, then post them for you all to judge to me. In essence, I write, you read, you pass judgment. Due to my mild, yet persistent narcissism, I only truly care about the "I write" aspect of blogging because it frees my brain space. The "You Read" and "You Pass Judgment" aspects are for you. Enjoy, criticize, despise, laugh at, cry, or skim through and move on with your life. For those that would like me to continue, let me know by becoming one of my blog followers. For those that have already passed judgment, oh well, go to YouTube and watch a car door get ripped off by a motorcycle or go to StarBucks for a $5 cup of shit.
Despite my cynicism, I am an eternal optimist if you know me, so I wish all of you a Happy New Year and the best for '09. Continue to check back from time to time as I blow off some steam, tell a joke, or share my opinions (facts) with you.
Schwartz----->
mushrooms and mustard
Mushrooms and Mustard are both filthy, nasty, and nauseating parts of most of your diets. Ever wonder why your girlfriend cheated on you, why your boyfriend would rather play video games then converse with you, why you got a flat tire for no reason, why you woke up late for work and your alarm clock was flashing 12:00, 12:00, 12:00, why the post office line is only long when you're there, why your boss works less and makes more than you, or how chapstick ended up in your dryer, ruining that batch of laundry????
I know why. It is because you choose to allow Mushrooms and/or Mustard to taint the very things in your lives that would otherwise remain stable without them. I urge you to take these things out of your life, not partially, not short-term, but forever. Allow good things to happen for once. I promise you will see changes. What's the worst thing that will occur? You'll be mushroom and mustard free. A win win.
On a side note, I do not work for the Anti Mushroom and Mustard Lobbying Group. Not yet, anyways.
Try it. Or continue your miserable existences.
Schwartz---->
I know why. It is because you choose to allow Mushrooms and/or Mustard to taint the very things in your lives that would otherwise remain stable without them. I urge you to take these things out of your life, not partially, not short-term, but forever. Allow good things to happen for once. I promise you will see changes. What's the worst thing that will occur? You'll be mushroom and mustard free. A win win.
On a side note, I do not work for the Anti Mushroom and Mustard Lobbying Group. Not yet, anyways.
Try it. Or continue your miserable existences.
Schwartz---->
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